It's been months and here I am still talking about Michael Jackson. It was too hard to write about any of it then and not any easier now. I wouldn't say that I am a die hard fan, but never a day I was not a fan of Michael Jackson
As far as I could remember, I was probably 8 when I first saw Black or White music video on TV and I was blown away. I have never see anything like that during those days and I couldn't help it to love the man behind all this. I remember constantly singing it without really knowing the meaning behind the song... it was contagious. One after another. As I grew older and (fatter and fatter....sob) I found a different depth in his music, slowly understanding the message behind his songs. Michael have been a inspiration to many people in different ways, especially dancers. But for me who can't sing Do Re Mi without getting myself out of key and who does not have rhythm what-so-ever and try to imitate him dancing to Thriller, Beat it or doing his famous "hiccup" when he sings which I fail miserably. It is really hilariously embarrassing.What was I thinking trying to moonwalk when I couldn't even walk without tripping. I didn't like Michael the way I was crazy with Backstreet Boys or Nsync
Either did I have Michael's picture all over my wall and stay drooling over it (like what I did with Kevin Richardson...still drooling thou till today. I am embarrass to admit but its true)
As we are fighting whether BSB is better or Nsync, It was different with Michael Jackson, who can I compare him to? Nobody. He is "the" Michael Jackson. He has such petite physique but yet every move and note he sang seems to be bursting with so much energy. I felt in love with the music and over the years I grew more curious about this man who wrote, sang and dance to those songs. There are many music that comes and goes but for me Michael's songs stay the same the way the very first time you listen to it and it remain the same forever. I was then young and penniless I pledge upon "MY" Dangerous cassette that the only concert that I will only want to be at is his (The cassette which was not even mine, it was someone in my family which I definitely have no problem making it my own.) How much do I know about anything at that ages but I seems to know what I was talking about when I say that Michael Jackson has to be the Greatest. I remember constantly listening it on my old cassette player (wow that show how long ago was that) and everytime I listen to it I was so afraid that somehow it will get stuck in the player.
People been asking which is my favourite Michael's song, How do I choose, its quite impossible, its probably easier to choose the one that I am not too crazy about. I wouldn't say that I love every single song but to make a list will probably be too long. If I would have to choose, then my favourite song will be a little different from most of the people, which is They Don't Really Care About Us. It's one of his most controversial piece. I could still recall the feeling the very first time I heard and saw it on TV, I was speechless. This is it! This is the song and still is. Everytime I listen to his songs, somehow I found a little rhythm, bizarre isn't it? Every album comes with a new style, my favourite have to be nothing fancy, an open, loose-fitting white shirt and black pants, long hair which is always half tie up. It still gives me goosebumps when I see him move, like poetry in motion..There is so many dance moves that he have that not much talked about that I awkwardly find very interesting. One example is a move he did in You rock my world, the one before he walks down the stair with a stiff forward walk and then moving on with the move that seems like he have a broken back...You will know what I am saying if you seen it. There you go again. I am strange!!!
Dangerous was my favourite album, still is. After many years of hits after hits that was all great, then came Ghost(s). I admit I didn't really like the music video, it look a lot like a montage of different unfinished piece. That was before I saw the short movie, It's mind blowing! Totally blown away. It shot me all the way into the orbit. My recent "song for the soul" would be Stranger in Moscow, from the History album. A hauntingly touching song. A piece that is very close to my heart. Recently, I realise how much I wasn't aware of the album, Invincible. It has really good pieces, the challenging falsetto of Butterflies, the touching The Lost Children and ballads like, Speechless, Don't Walk Away and You are my life.
He did not have a record for the next few years and then out of nowhere he resurface with a repeated nightmare with charges and a long trial. I did not pay any attention to the process nor any of the controversy about him throughout the years and wasn't going to. I was never a believer of all the charges, but I do believe that he has problems (who doesn't), and he might sometime make bizarre choices (I do) and view him as strange (strange? I am too). We are brought up to be "normal" and I this are the commonality of people that drives me up the wall. Who isn't? , if you are ready to admit it. I believe somewhere along the way we all question some of his decision and changes, I admit I did. But even then all I could think was, damn he is good and found him kinda really sexy. Especially in the music video In the closet!!!. Yea go ahead and say it. I am weird!!! Why don't call me Wacko too!!; (Is that scary for you? Am I too scary for you, baby).
I used to say I have no regret in life and now my first one is that I never seen Michael on stage. The burting energy on stage when he performance is so memerazising. I would probably faint too if was there. I remember his History Tour in Malaysia in 1996. I really wanted to go badly, I hardly have money to get a ticket. After year here I am in London and was even working in O2 Arena and here Michael was gonna have his last concert. I didn't able to get the tickets but I was happy that he finally is back and this could be a comeback. But who would have guess, that was the nearest I could get. A regret I carry for the rest of my life.
I am devastated. Its so sad that we have to loose him at such a young age. It felt like he still have so much to give and maybe for once he could have a new beginning. I was in denial long enough even the news was all over the place, until the memorial, it hit me. This was no dream, but it seems so surreal, even till today. After 2 months, I was still on Youtube looking at his music video interview, home video, behind the scenes, updates and then came across a news with the newscaster saying, "The King of Pop Has Die", I took off my earphone and threw it across the room even before she could finish that sentence. After 10 seconds I was thinking to myself "WOW what the hell just got into me!!!! Oh boy I am nuts!" But nothing more devastating than have to read and hear jokes about him just days after he left. I just want to say. Have some respect for Christsake!!!!. I believe he is in heaven united with James Brown, Fred Astaire, Jackie Wilson and Elvis Presley making heavenly music, moonwalking in clouds and having a good laugh with Mr Charlie Chaplin.
I am gonna miss all the possibilities and magic that he might be able to do with his music, his passion and compassion towards his work and the less fortunate. I admire his childlike spirit and as many think that is bizarre, I personally think its something we took for granted. To be childlike not childish. As far as I know there will never be another Michael Jackson. His music is something that I would like to share with my children in the future. Songs are a medium that is very close to the heart and I know Michael's music is close to mine. I been listening to his music everyday now from Jackson 5 to his very last. Doesn't matter if is the sultry of Rock With You, the classic ABC & Blame It On the Boogie, a song about a friend rat, Ben, the song that broke racial barrier, Black or White, the controversial of They Don't Really Care About Us, the ever sexy, In the Closet, then the very personal, Childhood, the beautiful, Liberian Girl , a collaboration, Say Say Say
or the song pledge for a change Man in the Mirror, pretty disturbing of Little Susie to the greatest music video of all time, Thriller; they are all effortless and been played around the world regardless the different races, status and as the world continue turning, his music will live on.
I recently finish reading a 665 pages biography of Michael Jackson; The magic & The madness by J. Randy Taraborrelli. It might be the most honest and the least bias one out there in the market. Its a long read but I could not stop. It's a very good read, it took me on a rollercoaster ride, I could not have any more variation of mix emotion reading a book!. But I would really like to have read more on his inspiration behind his music. I heard, the final footage of Michael's final days will be on screen this Oct, I know many would give everything to be able to have a glimpse of it, personally I think its like rubbing salt on open wounds. Many are still hanging on, I know I am, I couldn't help it to cry from time to time listening to Gone Too Soon, Childhood and Smile. I don't think I am ready yet, neither is the rest of the world. I really do hope as well that Neverland will not be another Graceland. But somehow I doubt it.
- Never Can Say Goodbye -
Thank You MIKE
Through all the joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, your music touches our heart. We gather together today united as one. Stranger to stranger, and hand in hand we held, we were one voice, one heart, to celebrate your life, an incredible human being. Shoulder to shoulder we lean on, stories we share and embraces we exchange, and all of this was possible because of you. We came today as strangers and left as brothers and sisters. This is not it! You will always live forever through your music and dance, because every move and every note you sang, you gave all your heart and soul. 
