Thursday, 31 December 2009
It's such a strange feeling........
Where do we begin with...
When beginning seems to have just come to an end?
Here I am and Here I am not....
Its warm but yet so cold it felt within
I am barely existing
Yet the sweet memories are the reason I kept breathing
It's a new year,for a brand new hope and dreams
It's probably time to start all over again;
Let it be and hope things can only get better.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Today is a good day to remember, as close it gets to compensate all the possibilities that I missed to see Michael perform live. I believe many of us that walk out of the cinema after a glimpse of what would possibly be the greatest performance, different thoughts run wild through our mind. I think everybody have a different expectation from this movie. It's human nature. All I wanted was to have a moment where everything around me was surrounded with love for this great man and I felt that today. I have expected that from all the high of my emotion there will also times where it goes as low as it could possibly get. Its hard to hear the negative comments but I guess we could never stop negativity. How far is all this to the truth, we might not know, probably never ever find out. Like Michael quoted in his biography; Moonwalk, "Have the truth gone out of fashion" We expect so much from a man and some may wonder whether he could step up to all the barrier he made and then broke but like Navi said, "Michael doesn't have to beat himself, he just need to be himself".
But it's good, it's all good...It's all love
As for me, it's pretty much a closure for me. In the afternoon I when to Michael Jackson Exhibition which I really enjoy very much. It gave me so much excitement and mix emotion to see some of his personal belonging, concerts costumes displayed, replica of Neverland Ranch Arch right infront of my eyes and I was are merely a few feet away. It was emotional. I couldn't help myself going , "Oh my god, that the jacket that he wore in opening of Dangerous tour in Bucharest and "Oh my god, that the famous one white sequin glove from Billie Jean, and "The fedora from Smooth Criminal" and there were a lot of OH MY GOD going on one after another....The best was the privilege to be able to see some of his costume for "This is it" concert. I didn't wanted it to end but I am must more excited going to watch the movie next. I am proud of myself not to cry although at the beginning I was trying to keep all my emotion and as I see the footage, there is a rush running through every inch of my body and I was near to tears. Everything seems surreal and nothing around you seems to exist. Every scene in the movie was celebrated with a round of applause from the audience, it's almost seems every single one of us was sitting there watching Michael on stage performing. It's great to see all the love for this man who we never knew. It show how little thing, or a person could do and move someone else and could be a such a impact on another person life.
I think it was great. I still have flashes of the scene in my head. Sometime you just need to believe what you believe in. It's something I think we owe ourself to do, its to believe in something cause when you don't, I don't see what is life meant for. Personally I admire his passion towards his work. The way you hear and see how he bring his work to life is mesmerizing and it inspire you as well. The look in those eyes when he speaks of his love in music, dance, children and life. They way he sing and dance is like making art. Yes, he does seems fragile, which at some point was painful to watch but despite that he is 50 and out there still living his dream that is one thing to learn. I think take the positive and trash the negativity. I don't know much, what is truth and what is not. But I believe that he is passionate about his work and to be back and doing what he love which he dedicated his entire life must be a great joy and to see how humble and appreciative he is just amazing. Some speculation say that its probably been precisely edited so that he might seems at his best take in his performance and physically. But a man at his age, that been working so hard his entire life and as well dealing with the mass speculation, tabloid, stress and expectation I think he did better than great. I guess we sometime forget that he is also human and like any of us we have better days and some bad one, but I hope that he has more of those better days than the not so good one.
I think it is very well choreographed, and I think he has broken his own stage performance by having fresh new idea into his routine. Love the fresh take from The Way You Make Me Feel and filmed sequences for Thriller, Heal The World and Smooth Criminal. The many highlight for me was Michael breaking little jokes, that is so heartwarming and lighthearted to see that as it seems that his life was falling apart infront of our eyes and that he was back and doing what he loves. This movie is a little view of an artist, entertainer, a father, a man that share his gift with the world and knowing that beyond being the greatest entertainer that build barrier and broke them, a talented and gifted artist, that moved the entertainment industry and inspire people around the world in different ways, that there was also another side of Michael Jackson that people simply forgot. From time to time, I played Michael's song and music video in my mind while I work in the kitchen chopping the entire day or polishing so many glasses till I loose my mind. It keeps me going on the simplest day like these. Its incredible that how iconic he is.
I stood there and see people queuing up to pen down their feeling and words to Michael. Its really a heartwarming sight to see a man who we would judge by his appearance to be too cool to show any emotion, on the ground dedicated his heart out on a full page...I could see he was struggling to find word to express due to the different language but that didn't stop him and what he wrote might simple but you could feel that he genuinely feel what he meant. I really meant it when I wrote at the exhibition that Michael make me want to be a better person and I hope I will. I have always been a perfectionist and I just simply don't know how to give up. I don't like to talk must about myself nor show my work, its because I always think its not good enough. If it is not good enough I would never show it. I believe that we need to patient, when you build something, paint something, or even cook something you need a lot of hard work, time, and effort. You need to simmer over a stove not chuck them in pressure cooker and hope it turn up the way you want to. The reason why I am so emotionally attach about Michael because I see many things that we believe in are very similar and is hard to wrap my mind around his leaving. This might sound very bizarre but I don't really much care about what people think. This is what I feel and I am putting it on the plate whether you like it or not.
One might think, this girl is going nuts. I am not going to apologize for it. I want to say and express myself so I one day in my life I could look back and see how that one day or that one fine man taught me how to believe again, especially in myself. How he inspire me to be a better person and to be the best that I could possibly be an never stop believing and strive for the great and at the same time cherish the little things in life. This is one of the days that I need in this time of my life.
There are something in life that can't be measure and this is one of it.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Friday, 2 October 2009
Monday, 28 September 2009
I bought my "This Is It" movie ticket for the first night Oct 28th.
Started of the day with getting my ticket, I was the first to buy it at O2 Vue...Can't explain the joy holding the piece of paper. Overjoy...1 more month...can't wait.
The lady was nice enough to let me have the honour to poke through her machine and choose the time I wanted...
I know I said I am not ready...still am not...never will be fully ready to accept it but I can't help it to see the master, creating his art. It's like watching a magic show...Oh boy I can't wait. I bet other than being mesmerized I would be crying like hell. Well it's all worth it. Got to do this alone because I need to put all the sorrow at ease....
As I was looking at books at a charity shop and a book caught my eye. Roald Dahl short stories compile in a hard cover, about 300 pages with fully illustrated images I got to have it, I don't care how am I gonna send all my books home but I got to have it. What a catch, It was only 4.99 pound. I took a long bus ride and I am gonna miss London so much
The day ended with me talking to my 3 favourite people, a soul mate, a Siamese twin and an itch in my ass. I was so energetic, that I could wrestle a grizzly bear so I spend the rest of the night watching West Side Story and a little tune from Michael Jackson....It was indeed a good day!!!
A friend I knew here told me that this year Oct is a new beginning of a new cycle and things will start to change and in our life we change every 5 years cycle. I hope mine is around the corner cause I am waiting for changes. I can't stand to be in a same cycle all the time, it kills me
Did I mention it is autumn now
I love autumn
Saturday, 26 September 2009
Creating room for a neverending imagination
As you lay down overlooking the skyline
A great canvas that kept your creativity running wild
Strolling over the unending skyline gracefully
Overseeing the world from above
Wind blew hard leaving clouds scattered
And amazingly gathered itself up
How its always seems so calm
Could shower down in a toss of a penny
So light, gentle and fragile as candyfloss
But yet so strong shading the world from the harsh sun
I am overwhelm...
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
It's truly magical...everything you would expect and better. ..
This makes me wonder what would have been if MJ is still with us.
I am lost of words again, all the time lately....
And goodbye Patrick Swayze...
What would have Dirty Dancing be without you?
I hate 2009 already...
Friday, 11 September 2009
Those are the times where you loss all words
Today, eight years later I still could not find words to describe
It still feels like yesterday as the world watch helplessly
As it came crumbling down, and that moment everything change
The air was just filled with so much grieve, anger and confusion
Those are the time where you don't know what to feel
I still wonder what happen on that day
How could there be so much hatred in a person to began with?
I still wonder what happen on that day
Where did people find love, courage and the will to fight through it?
I still wonder what happen on that day
What that seems to have torn us apart, brought us together
What breaks us makes us stronger...
In memory to those who lost their life in 9/11 attack
And for those who are still fighting for peace
Friday, 4 September 2009
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Michael, thank you for all the years of great music and dance. Most of all thank you for being simply who you are. We couldn't thank you enough for all you have given us, thank you for sharing your life, your gift and now is our turn to give back, and all we have is love, unconditional love.. So don't you ever doubt even for a minute that you are not loved. We love you and just can't stop loving you.
" If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with".
Ooohh boy!! The way you make us feel is magical ....
We know whenever, wherever there is love, you'll be there.
We look up to heaven today and sang our love and heart to you.
I hope you look down on us today and this will put a big smile on your face, joy in your heart.
"You give me butterflies inside, inside, and all I gotta say is that I must be dreaming, can't be real You're not here with me, still I can feel you near me." ~ Butterflies (Invincible)
As we are paying our tribute to you, all your fans around the world are celebrating your life in different ways. There is no time in history of entertainment that on a day, there would be so much unity and love being brought out. This is the day!!. Even today itself is a record breaking day. The amount of love could touch God heart and hopefully yours too. You've broken records, one after another and making history. Even thou you have now gone to a better place, but your legacy and history will not end here. Today or any given day, your fans are out there setting new records with your music and dance on your behalf. You alone have made history and we are here to continue your legacy and in the hoping of making the world a better place.
Happy Birthday Mike
(1958 - Forever)
"Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight, Here One Day Gone One Night. Gone Too Soon"
We miss you.
We love you the most!!
Thursday, 27 August 2009
As far as I could remember, I was probably 8 when I first saw Black or White music video on TV and I was blown away. I have never see anything like that during those days and I couldn't help it to love the man behind all this. I remember constantly singing it without really knowing the meaning behind the song... it was contagious. One after another. As I grew older and (fatter and fatter....sob) I found a different depth in his music, slowly understanding the message behind his songs. Michael have been a inspiration to many people in different ways, especially dancers. But for me who can't sing Do Re Mi without getting myself out of key and who does not have rhythm what-so-ever and try to imitate him dancing to Thriller, Beat it or doing his famous "hiccup" when he sings which I fail miserably. It is really hilariously embarrassing.What was I thinking trying to moonwalk when I couldn't even walk without tripping. I didn't like Michael the way I was crazy with Backstreet Boys or Nsync
As we are fighting whether BSB is better or Nsync, It was different with Michael Jackson, who can I compare him to? Nobody. He is "the" Michael Jackson. He has such petite physique but yet every move and note he sang seems to be bursting with so much energy. I felt in love with the music and over the years I grew more curious about this man who wrote, sang and dance to those songs. There are many music that comes and goes but for me Michael's songs stay the same the way the very first time you listen to it and it remain the same forever. I was then young and penniless I pledge upon "MY" Dangerous cassette that the only concert that I will only want to be at is his (The cassette which was not even mine, it was someone in my family which I definitely have no problem making it my own.) How much do I know about anything at that ages but I seems to know what I was talking about when I say that Michael Jackson has to be the Greatest. I remember constantly listening it on my old cassette player (wow that show how long ago was that) and everytime I listen to it I was so afraid that somehow it will get stuck in the player.
Dangerous was my favourite album, still is. After many years of hits after hits that was all great, then came Ghost(s). I admit I didn't really like the music video, it look a lot like a montage of different unfinished piece. That was before I saw the short movie, It's mind blowing! Totally blown away. It shot me all the way into the orbit. My recent "song for the soul" would be Stranger in Moscow, from the History album. A hauntingly touching song. A piece that is very close to my heart. Recently, I realise how much I wasn't aware of the album, Invincible. It has really good pieces, the challenging falsetto of Butterflies, the touching The Lost Children and ballads like, Speechless, Don't Walk Away and You are my life.
I am gonna miss all the possibilities and magic that he might be able to do with his music, his passion and compassion towards his work and the less fortunate. I admire his childlike spirit and as many think that is bizarre, I personally think its something we took for granted. To be childlike not childish. As far as I know there will never be another Michael Jackson. His music is something that I would like to share with my children in the future. Songs are a medium that is very close to the heart and I know Michael's music is close to mine. I been listening to his music everyday now from Jackson 5 to his very last. Doesn't matter if is the sultry of Rock With You, the classic ABC & Blame It On the Boogie, a song about a friend rat, Ben, the song that broke racial barrier, Black or White, the controversial of They Don't Really Care About Us, the ever sexy, In the Closet, then the very personal, Childhood, the beautiful, Liberian Girl , a collaboration, Say Say Say
Sunday, 5 July 2009
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the childhood I've never known...
"Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
"You are just like your music that forever lives in us"
You will be remembered not only for the fame and glory
but merely for your passion, love, dedication and persistent
toward music, children and life, you're the master of your art
and Your childlike innocent that kept our dreams alive
You make me believe that there is goodness in mankind"
“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope.
- Michael Jackson -
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Is bursting with culture, arts and culinary
So much to see, so much to taste
The best way to visit Paris is to take your time
I really wanna love you but...I can't
But I will come back again
Maybe I would learn to love Paris
I heart London
Saturday, 2 May 2009
I think so but, it has been an intresting week,
Its like attending a cooking class for free,
stressfully exciting, butterfly in my stomach all day,
I am still running around clueless sometime,
It can be really depressing working in the kitchen,
There is an unexplainable tension I breath at times,
I lived through my first week 57 hours of 7 shift in 5 days,
That's means I have another12 weeks to go
Next week is an intresting week,
My first canape reception service all on my own...
Hope I don't blow up the building!!!
The last thing I want to be is a headless chicken running around
Sunday, 8 March 2009
and there outside the sky were painted blue,
The sun peek through the white of my curtain
I woke up feeling warm and cozy, it felt good
Have a cup of tea, and a humble slice of bread
A sunday morning have never felt so good.
As I sat there browsing throught the internet
I couldn't get my sight away from the window
A piece of canvas that seems grey, all the time
Today, was painted with colour from a rainbow
and the smell of sunday roast from the next door
Oh, what a beautifull sunday was it
It felt so wrong not to go out in the sun
As I thought so, the wireless die upon me
And there I was, without excuse not to go out
Got my big ass out, have a walk under the sunlight
The sign said, turn right and straight ahead
I walk, and walk and more walking it was
And finally as I been walking for miles and miles
I saw the sign and it was one hell of a walk,
surprisingly I reach without one wrong turn
Columbia Flower Market sign it was I saw
and there on a beautifull sunny sunday noon,
I stood among the colours of my watercolour
It was a beautifull sight, comfort to the eyes
The air was filled with sweetness from the flower
The strong, bold smell from freshly brewed coffee
In my hands I hold onto a bag, 20 buds of tulips
As I was walking home the weather began to change
Dark clouds gathered and rain was pouring
I walked my long way home in the pouring rain
And in the corner of my lips was a big smile...
Oh how unpredictable was London's weather!!
I was dripping wet when I was walking through the door
I was greeted by fellow friend in the warm of our flat
We all sat down in our humble little kitchen, all wet
Have a cup of hot tea, a slice of cake and a good laugh
And ended that one beautiful sunny sunday
With a call across the world from a place called home
Thursday, 5 March 2009
and the air smells of sorrow and despair
The wind sang the songs of the lost souls
Rough wind brushes harshly over my cheek
Pushes me again to the edge of the cliff
Buckets of tears pouring down from above
I could not express my mood better than the weather
That same day, the dark clouds faded
and the air began to smell of sweetness
The wind began to whisper a sweet lullaby
The cold breeze brush gently over my cheek
At the edge I saw the rainbow across the sky
The cold gently breeze felt so very warm
The skyline brighten up, and so was my sorrow heart
I am in the mood for a little sunshine
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Snow + water = ICE!!!
Why on earth did I not thought of that!! (no wonder almost fail biology)
Apparently when snow melt it turn wet, slippery icy hard rock
That is what it's like all around London today.
As I mumble to myself not to fall on my ass at 7 am on the street
They I was, flat on my ass in the middle of the street...OUCH!!!
The first thing I did was laugh and pretend nothing happen.
(Mumble to myself)
I'm cool...I'm cool...just walk like nothing happen
I am a hopeless case
I can't roller blade, don't even think of ice skating at all,
I have no balance...not at all...NONE
With the way and speed I walk on the street today
I could just made front page headline on The London Paper...
With the big, gigantic bold headline
FAT PENGUIN LOOK ALIKE
FOUND ON THE STREET OF LONDON....
Monday, 2 February 2009
But not long after that everything seems to get back on the right track
I am slowly having more shift, I do not need to feed on breadcrumbs
I am a little more carefree, means I feel much happier that I ever was
Mostly cause it snow!! I repeat myself ....IT SNOW!!!
Heavy white shower have not fall upon Londoner for the past 18 years
At least not how it was this time, thick, heavy white shower
I was too thrill, excited, cold to death, did I mention it was -2 Celsius
I stay up all night watching Criminal Minds and snowflakes falling
Snowflakes look exactly how we picture, little delicate star falling
It felt wonderful, magical, hold load of I-dunno-how-to-explain,
As 3 adult still in denial the fact that they are now no longer kids
Gather around, watch delicate snowflakes fall on our palm,
we all felt like kids all over again
The 3 stooges plan to torture themselves, marching in dreadful cold,
We ended up in Hyde Park, it did not look like how I remember it was,
It was now a gigantic piece of white candy floss, that have no end
What better to start by rounds of brutal snow fight
Between each other and strangers along the ways
Yeah...I was brutally attack, gosh I was all cover in snow
I met someone special today, his name is Mark,
Mark's complexion compliment the white snow, tall, little overweight
We spend quality time together, bonded till it was time to say bye
How Romantic!!. I love Mark. We Love Mark, I am gonna miss Mark...
This is Mark!!
I now have numb toes, finger...bloody tired and my faces feels like sunburn...Ouch
Monday, 19 January 2009
Which is so mellow, effortless but yet so captivating
A voice so subtle, soft and gentle, yet so much depth
As the world is drown in sorrow, sunken in shattered pieces
Somewhere out there a song, sang and played in the silence
In a mere moment brings calmness to the aching heart
Monday, 5 January 2009
As I lay there, my memory drift it's way back 403 days ago
Took a step forward, venture into the unknown, breaking insecurity
Faith in one hand, Believe in the other and a heart full of hope;
Along, I drag chains disappointment and heartache,
To search a key to open the chain to unleashed the person I want to be
I was alive yet barely breathing
The unknown pulled me out of the dark; and show me the possibility
Its been year where I stitch my own broken heart, wipe my own tears,
The times where I carry myself up when I break down; disappointed
The unknown, full of possibility, room for all unique individual
The unknown helps me to find strength to be an individual
Stand out, not afraid to say I am different and I am glad that I am
The unknown is like a institution, a rehab for a self discovery; a test
It show me that I am actually stronger and braver than I know
Believing keeps hopes alive, open to possibility gives you opportunity
It gave me time to look back, stood still in all the madness of the world
To discover myself; who I am, what I was able to achieve
In the unknown I met myself
Now I am alive and breathing
"The person you want to be does exist; somewhere on the other side
of hard work and faith and belief.And, beyond the heartache and
fear of what lies ahead." [Lucas Scott- One Tree Hill]