Friday, 30 October 2009

A reminder to myself

Today is a good day to remember, as close it gets to compensate all the possibilities that I missed to see Michael perform live. I believe many of us that walk out of the cinema after a glimpse of what would possibly be the greatest performance, different thoughts run wild through our mind. I think everybody have a different expectation from this movie. It's human nature. All I wanted was to have a moment where everything around me was surrounded with love for this great man and I felt that today. I have expected that from all the high of my emotion there will also times where it goes as low as it could possibly get. Its hard to hear the negative comments but I guess we could never stop negativity. How far is all this to the truth, we might not know, probably never ever find out. Like Michael quoted in his biography; Moonwalk, "Have the truth gone out of fashion" We expect so much from a man and some may wonder whether he could step up to all the barrier he made and then broke but like Navi said, "Michael doesn't have to beat himself, he just need to be himself".

But it's good, it's all good...It's all love

As for me, it's pretty much a closure for me. In the afternoon I when to Michael Jackson Exhibition which I really enjoy very much. It gave me so much excitement and mix emotion to see some of his personal belonging, concerts costumes displayed, replica of Neverland Ranch Arch right infront of my eyes and I was are merely a few feet away. It was emotional. I couldn't help myself going , "Oh my god, that the jacket that he wore in opening of Dangerous tour in Bucharest and "Oh my god, that the famous one white sequin glove from Billie Jean, and "The fedora from Smooth Criminal" and there were a lot of OH MY GOD going on one after another....The best was the privilege to be able to see some of his costume for "This is it" concert. I didn't wanted it to end but I am must more excited going to watch the movie next. I am proud of myself not to cry although at the beginning I was trying to keep all my emotion and as I see the footage, there is a rush running through every inch of my body and I was near to tears. Everything seems surreal and nothing around you seems to exist. Every scene in the movie was celebrated with a round of applause from the audience, it's almost seems every single one of us was sitting there watching Michael on stage performing. It's great to see all the love for this man who we never knew. It show how little thing, or a person could do and move someone else and could be a such a impact on another person life.

I think it was great. I still have flashes of the scene in my head. Sometime you just need to believe what you believe in. It's something I think we owe ourself to do, its to believe in something cause when you don't, I don't see what is life meant for. Personally I admire his passion towards his work. The way you hear and see how he bring his work to life is mesmerizing and it inspire you as well. The look in those eyes when he speaks of his love in music, dance, children and life. They way he sing and dance is like making art. Yes, he does seems fragile, which at some point was painful to watch but despite that he is 50 and out there still living his dream that is one thing to learn. I think take the positive and trash the negativity. I don't know much, what is truth and what is not. But I believe that he is passionate about his work and to be back and doing what he love which he dedicated his entire life must be a great joy and to see how humble and appreciative he is just amazing. Some speculation say that its probably been precisely edited so that he might seems at his best take in his performance and physically. But a man at his age, that been working so hard his entire life and as well dealing with the mass speculation, tabloid, stress and expectation I think he did better than great. I guess we sometime forget that he is also human and like any of us we have better days and some bad one, but I hope that he has more of those better days than the not so good one.

I think it is very well choreographed, and I think he has broken his own stage performance by having fresh new idea into his routine. Love the fresh take from The Way You Make Me Feel and filmed sequences for Thriller, Heal The World and Smooth Criminal. The many highlight for me was Michael breaking little jokes, that is so heartwarming and lighthearted to see that as it seems that his life was falling apart infront of our eyes and that he was back and doing what he loves. This movie is a little view of an artist, entertainer, a father, a man that share his gift with the world and knowing that beyond being the greatest entertainer that build barrier and broke them, a talented and gifted artist, that moved the entertainment industry and inspire people around the world in different ways, that there was also another side of Michael Jackson that people simply forgot. From time to time, I played Michael's song and music video in my mind while I work in the kitchen chopping the entire day or polishing so many glasses till I loose my mind. It keeps me going on the simplest day like these. Its incredible that how iconic he is.

I stood there and see people queuing up to pen down their feeling and words to Michael. Its really a heartwarming sight to see a man who we would judge by his appearance to be too cool to show any emotion, on the ground dedicated his heart out on a full page...I could see he was struggling to find word to express due to the different language but that didn't stop him and what he wrote might simple but you could feel that he genuinely feel what he meant. I really meant it when I wrote at the exhibition that Michael make me want to be a better person and I hope I will. I have always been a perfectionist and I just simply don't know how to give up. I don't like to talk must about myself nor show my work, its because I always think its not good enough. If it is not good enough I would never show it. I believe that we need to patient, when you build something, paint something, or even cook something you need a lot of hard work, time, and effort. You need to simmer over a stove not chuck them in pressure cooker and hope it turn up the way you want to. The reason why I am so emotionally attach about Michael because I see many things that we believe in are very similar and is hard to wrap my mind around his leaving. This might sound very bizarre but I don't really much care about what people think. This is what I feel and I am putting it on the plate whether you like it or not.

One might think, this girl is going nuts. I am not going to apologize for it. I want to say and express myself so I one day in my life I could look back and see how that one day or that one fine man taught me how to believe again, especially in myself. How he inspire me to be a better person and to be the best that I could possibly be an never stop believing and strive for the great and at the same time cherish the little things in life. This is one of the days that I need in this time of my life.

There are something in life that can't be measure and this is one of it.

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